I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
