I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
