omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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