guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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