Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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