NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
