The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
