I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
