i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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