You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
