I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
