Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
