I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
