Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
