im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize