Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
