you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
