Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
