I wanna bring you to show and tell
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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