His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
