I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
