I got chris browned last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
