so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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