i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
