I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
