Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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