i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
