i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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