the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
