I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
