She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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