Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
