Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize