U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The air was thick with penises
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
