also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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