So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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