Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the liver wants what the liver wants
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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