I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
