Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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