sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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