Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
