Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
