I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
