sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
