I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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