how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
