I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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