the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
