I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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