no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
