It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
