I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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