Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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