I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
