i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
