worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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