Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
