arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
