craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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