Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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