his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
