david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
