Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
