What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
