I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
