I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize