Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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