i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
