she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
