I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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