you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
