Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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