im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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