I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Found your dick twin last night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I deserve this hangover.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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