I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
