If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
