Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
