At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
