U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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