Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
