I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Acid is not a monday night drug
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
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