he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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