Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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