theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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