I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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