i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
