he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
