I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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