that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
...so i touched it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
