some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
