I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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