I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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