Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
