I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
