i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
