Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
