At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel great
I just peed on a car
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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