Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
