Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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