You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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