Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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