i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
